i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We are all done wearing pants today
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
