You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
