I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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