so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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