yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
