She just used a chaser for red wine.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
