i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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