Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
True college students do jello shots in the library
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
