She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
