Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
