omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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