so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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