dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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