I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
