You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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