Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
