I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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