I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
