I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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