i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
