Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
