nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
