I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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