you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
