I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
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do you know where my other puke covered boot is
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left