he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
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It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.