Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
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If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.