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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"

  Fav 10 2003 3944

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I think I have a pornographic memory.

  (954): View more from Florida

  Don't you mean photographic?

  (407): View more from Florida

  No.

  Fav 15 6213 1010

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?

  Fav 25 1201 2981

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience

  Fav 49 897 6519

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• 

  25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.

  Fav 19 1339 7061

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.

  Fav 3 1899 1048

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.

  Fav 11 1640 907

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• (631): View more from New York

  But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND

  Fav 23 2999 799

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• 

  25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On

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• (361): View more from Texas

  do you know where my other puke covered boot is

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.

  Fav 5 950 696

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• (972): View more from Texas

  It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.

  Fav 0 582 839

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.

  Fav 1 389 123

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left

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