i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
