Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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