She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
