meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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