He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
