My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
