The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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