dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
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I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.