Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.

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  (207): I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated. http://tfl.nu/fawe
  Replies (8) Good night (712) Bad night (2187)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus

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  (727): Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus http://tfl.nu/l3dr
  Replies (17) Good night (2909) Bad night (724)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins

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  (215): thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins http://tfl.nu/qdth
  Replies (6) Good night (4714) Bad night (1096)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child

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  (217): This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child http://tfl.nu/n5f8
  Replies (10) Good night (2167) Bad night (931)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.

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  (248): You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/57rh
  Replies (3) Good night (2601) Bad night (792)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal

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  (812): They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal http://tfl.nu/sgdn
  Replies (4) Good night (2003) Bad night (580)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits

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  (719): I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits http://tfl.nu/6x3w
  Replies (17) Good night (1475) Bad night (666)
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  (315): View more from New York

  You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"

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  (315): You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?" http://tfl.nu/ihjb
  Replies (4) Good night (991) Bad night (748)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.

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  (570): Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning. http://tfl.nu/kez0
  Replies (4) Good night (1251) Bad night (515)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated

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  (602): Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated http://tfl.nu/w4re
  Replies (3) Good night (1028) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.

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  (901): Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here. http://tfl.nu/g9cl
  Replies (1) Good night (518) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"

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  (217): what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?" http://tfl.nu/sbqo
  Replies (9) Good night (667) Bad night (1068)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.

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  (202): As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap. http://tfl.nu/n79z
  Replies (19) Good night (1365) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport

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  (818): Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport http://tfl.nu/f771
  Replies (3) Good night (561) Bad night (218)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  ....you got kicked INTO a party??

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  (306): so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay. (1-306): ....you got kicked INTO a party?? http://tfl.nu/nppd
  Replies (1) Good night (812) Bad night (235)

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