There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.