god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!