i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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