found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
