i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.