If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
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He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY