Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.

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  (773): i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink. http://tfl.nu/eils
  Replies (25) Good night (3360) Bad night (542)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.

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  (613): no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/h5lf
  Replies (12) Good night (525) Bad night (3255)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume

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  (516): I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume http://tfl.nu/0r2u
  Replies (47) Good night (2054) Bad night (4431)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.

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  (617): I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster. http://tfl.nu/4sze
  Replies (45) Good night (5104) Bad night (993)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out

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  (860): I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out http://tfl.nu/wth6
  Replies (4) Good night (851) Bad night (5384)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless

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  (763): someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless http://tfl.nu/hdeq
  Replies (10) Good night (4599) Bad night (966)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely

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  (937): All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely http://tfl.nu/gogl
  Replies (4) Good night (3092) Bad night (601)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.

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  (403): I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress. http://tfl.nu/setw
  Replies (2) Good night (1398) Bad night (592)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself

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  (303): It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself http://tfl.nu/u3l5
  Replies (6) Good night (653) Bad night (1855)
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  (518): View more from New York

  we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well

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  (518): we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well http://tfl.nu/pd1v
  Replies (5) Good night (1335) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours

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  (403): Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours http://tfl.nu/wscg
  Replies (9) Good night (1368) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever

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  (720): My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever http://tfl.nu/wkge
  Replies (6) Good night (3284) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.

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  (586): I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman. http://tfl.nu/wow9
  Replies (2) Good night (513) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.

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  (339): You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once. (781): I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian. http://tfl.nu/l29g
  Replies (4) Good night (933) Bad night (231)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.

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  (717): I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower. http://tfl.nu/u1b6
  Replies (3) Good night (677) Bad night (188)

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