Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart

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(512): a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart http://tfl.nu/j66q

Replies (30) Good night (693) Bad night (2851)
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(540): View more from Virginia

i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?

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(540): i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic? http://tfl.nu/pwuf

Replies (50) Good night (4653) Bad night (790)
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(330): View more from Ohio

...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.

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(330): ...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates. http://tfl.nu/x7fo

Replies (25) Good night (7146) Bad night (846)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this

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(304): enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this http://tfl.nu/89bx

Replies (18) Good night (4047) Bad night (663)
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(+82): View more from South Korea

You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.

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(+82): You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes. http://tfl.nu/6vdw

Replies (7) Good night (5593) Bad night (1266)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?

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(203): Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night? http://tfl.nu/3u1b

Replies (5) Good night (1472) Bad night (677)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug

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(412): I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug http://tfl.nu/u06h

Replies (3) Good night (648) Bad night (899)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"

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(864): I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY" http://tfl.nu/isd1

Replies (7) Good night (1953) Bad night (575)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning

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(336): Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning http://tfl.nu/no2z

Replies (5) Good night (1570) Bad night (536)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

Bang-toberfest begins!!

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(662): Bang-toberfest begins!! http://tfl.nu/i6ge

Replies (5) Good night (1284) Bad night (511)
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(909): View more from California

Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?

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(909): Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy? http://tfl.nu/kkqk

Replies (10) Good night (1981) Bad night (789)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.

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(612): It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/k02r

Replies (0) Good night (405) Bad night (309)
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(607): View more from New York

I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.

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(607): I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs. http://tfl.nu/ntwi

Replies (3) Good night (494) Bad night (493)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?

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(615): Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH? http://tfl.nu/vznl

Replies (7) Good night (425) Bad night (466)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.

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(612): She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand. http://tfl.nu/fvje

Replies (7) Good night (314) Bad night (344)

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