Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.

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  (401): Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex. http://tfl.nu/0okh
  Replies (22) Good night (672) Bad night (5025)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.

  (212): View more from New York

  i hate you

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  (813): i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you. (212): i hate you http://tfl.nu/mlwn
  Replies (20) Good night (4772) Bad night (1090)
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  (315): View more from New York

  We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."

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  (315): We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah." http://tfl.nu/z1lt
  Replies (82) Good night (1536) Bad night (22035)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.

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  (256): He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front. http://tfl.nu/08qp
  Replies (9) Good night (7599) Bad night (1085)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.

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  (301): I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost. http://tfl.nu/jb2u
  Replies (15) Good night (4246) Bad night (895)
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  (044): View more from

  I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.

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  (044): I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks. http://tfl.nu/8eb6
  Replies (8) Good night (1632) Bad night (1309)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.

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  (206): She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers. http://tfl.nu/uzdb
  Replies (3) Good night (2406) Bad night (751)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.

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  (647): we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana. http://tfl.nu/zk8n
  Replies (6) Good night (2982) Bad night (687)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt

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  (425): I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt http://tfl.nu/d0wp
  Replies (1) Good night (1629) Bad night (581)
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.

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  (819): The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons. http://tfl.nu/84qu
  Replies (6) Good night (1897) Bad night (588)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?

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  (404): why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan? http://tfl.nu/xwc6
  Replies (6) Good night (1047) Bad night (478)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.

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  (734): I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons. http://tfl.nu/bvxd
  Replies (11) Good night (1170) Bad night (493)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.

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  (330): STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me. http://tfl.nu/p90g
  Replies (2) Good night (237) Bad night (595)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.

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  (808): well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club. http://tfl.nu/3hkg
  Replies (1) Good night (515) Bad night (232)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?

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  (850): I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...? http://tfl.nu/1yog
  Replies (2) Good night (593) Bad night (256)

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