you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
