What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
