i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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