I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
