found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
