She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
