My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
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Best friends brother. Beat that.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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