i permit you to call me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
