just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
