Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
