she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
