I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
