My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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