talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.