i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
