So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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