Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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