i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
