He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
