We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
