He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
