WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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