the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
