we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
