I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
