We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
